It's time. 2015 is soon over and like a lot of other people I like to recap. So if you don't like whinging you might want to jump ahead to the end of this post (or even skip it as a whole). This one will be about all the things that happened (or didn't) in 2015 and everything I want to happen next year.
To start with, I have to admit this year was not the easiest for me. I was under pressure. I started my master studies, had a lot to do and also wanted to get my blog and Instagram going. In spring I lost a beloved person which was the first time for me to hit me so hard. Sometimes I am still battling with the loss.
There where too many situations which just overwhelmed me. I had panic attacks throughout the year. Some simple things where hard for me, like talking to strangers or just coping with unknown situations.
But the last three months have been the hardest. I've been struggling a lot. Not really with uni, where I still get good grades. But I am struggling with life. My flat mate drives me crazy from time to time. I get sick of seeing our kitchen and the mess she makes. So I've been thinking about all the possible ways I could make it better. With every solution there is something else which makes it impossible. There is nothing I can find. Nothing.
I am sick of living in flats with people I don't know, with somebody who bosses me around or simply someone who is just not capable of being tidy. I am just wishing for a place, a home. Somewhere there is nobody else who bothers me.
But the rent is so high that I just can't afford a place on my own.
It will still be my primary resolution for 2016 to find a home for me. I've had troubles with my skin, eczema, which usually disappeared after some time. But now I haven't been able to get rid of it since April. I don't know where it comes from but I am pretty sure my struggles only make it worse (also I think mould in the flat doesn't help). In the week before Christmas I was calm, I was happy, and my skin was good. But relatives who ask about my future, my living and when my bf and I would move in together just stresses me out.
I could only wish for a simple life. Simple people in my surroundings who are not weird, who can talk to me and act like normal people. Simple living situation where I can feel home and safe and wanted. Growing up is not easy. Finding the right job, what you want to do, where you want to live. Sometimes I wish I would be younger, still in the middle of my study when I didn't have to think about the future.
But now I do. And I strongly believe it is getting better. It will be better someday, but I won't keep waiting! My resolution for 2016 is to do my best and try everything to get what I want and not only wait for something to happen.
It will happen, you just have to try.
Have a happy new year!
See you soon, in 2016, with some new, regular blogposts!